Control Freakish

Never in my life would I have described myself as a control freak. In my normal everyday at home world, I'm not. Only at work. I feel like anything I want done correctly I have to do it myself. I have never been that way, I've always been kind of go-with-the-flow, laid back and easy going. But in my adulthood I am becoming more controlling. Maybe because I work with a team of people and when someone does something wrong it reflects poorly on all of us. So to avoid that, I insist on doing things myself and sometimes I think that hurts peoples feelings. I don't mean to, in fact that is the last thing I intend. I think it's more of a self preservation thing. I just want things done right the first time so that I don't have to redo them when someone gets it wrong.

I don't like relying on others to get work done. Because others often let you down, only because they're human. It's that forgetful, busy, sidetracked nature in people that annoys me. I wish everyone could have the presence of mind I do when I'm at work. I wish others were as detail oriented. I wish others would see things ahead of time that need to be done and just do them, instead of waiting for someone else to notice.

I don't know if it's just time for a new job or what, but I am seriously having a hard time just existing at work without getting pissed off about something. Everyone is irritating and the work I do is so unsatisfying. I cannot seem to find a place in healthcare where I fit. I've thought about it and this is just not the industry for me. What industry is, though? I have seemed to hate everything I've ever done. Maybe I'm just focusing on the wrong things. I need to pray for direction and an open door, something that I want to go to. Surely God has a better idea of what I need.